The point is if somebody wants to give you an award and is willing to throw a huge party in a five star hotel, invite the media, have eminent journalists editorialize your awesomeness in magazines, have people give you standing ovations, hand bursting claps and whistles.
It’s an annual ritual in my moronic existence. The New Year is just like the old year except that it’s called the New Year and it’s made up of a different set of numbers as compared to the old year. In order to tell the world that I can accept a New Year I do a year-end special like TV channels. My year-end special is a blog AWARDS SHOW where I invite award winners to my grandfather’s cow shed and distribute awards.
Why do people not give me awards? It’s a conspiracy that needs to be investigated at the highest level because I don’t like being ignored. Lankanosphere Awards or as I like to call it: RD’s annual exercise in kissing asses of Srilankan Bloggers. Now I’m okay with anyone kissing anyone else’s ass as long as they kiss mine also.
How does one get into this wild Oscar thingy? Oh.. Its super simple peeps.
Rhythmic Diaspora aka RD aka LLD has been nominated in two categories:
1. Most Humorous Lankanosphere blog.
2. Best Personal Lankanosphere blog.
I know what you’re thinking. The nominations are in the wrong categories. Sigh..
Till today he has never said even one funny thing, so how can his bog be nominated for ‘Most Humorous Lankanosphere blog’? It would have been right if LLD Blog were nominated in the ‘MOST TUMOROUS BLOG’ category considering the fact that there are documented cases of people receiving tumors after reading this drummer blogger’s complex thoughts.
But the second nomination in ‘Best Personal Lankanosphere blog’ is justified because of his super sexy awesome personality, and the loser stories he manages to come up with. This post divorce life by the river that is Thames is to be shared with all humankind under a pseudonym you see. I am yet to meet this soul, but this is my conclusion based on the LLD bog. Yes, BOG.
But he would have preferred to be nominated in ‘BEST Lankanosphere food blog’ because he claims to eat a lot of food. Also his recipes to create fame (for himself that is) are world renowned and highly acclaimed.
I could simply nominate and win every award in every category. But then again Democracy – I believe in it. What’s in a name you may ask? But all’s fair in this blogosphere. And while you may be right in saying this loser is exploiting a name that was supposedly generic, as generic as “Lankanosphere” or Srilankan Blogosphere, there’s no cocoon on the blogosphere raising any concerns about it. So much for democracy? So here I am, able to capitalize on others’ ignorance if not stupidity. But usually both.
So if you want the drummer to win, vote for The LLD at the Lankanosphere awards for THE SUPER LOSER category.
Now here are the rules:
I intend to finish this award show in 15 minutes flat so there will be no announcement of the nominees for each category, no background music, and no award music.
No laughing, no hysterical bouts of crying, no biting nails, no looking into the camera. Just sit there and shut up.
I don’t need to hear your lame ass acceptance speeches so just take your award and get lost. If you want to say something keep it short and no more than 30 seconds.
The audience is not allowed to clap or sneeze, that might disturb my grandpa’s cows.
All decisions are made by the judging committee comprising of me, myself and I, and are final.
Also, there will be no entertainment tonight, which means you will not get to see a choreographed dance performed by a drummer after each award.
So here’s the award for RD.
Plus the grand bonus award of One year’s supply of depression pills till the next Lankanosphere awards, and some useful helpline numbers in case of emergency. You may find this link helpful.
Get well soon. We shall pray for only God can cure some peculiar illnesses. Besides we like to see sanity prevail on the blogosphere, RD !
2 comments:
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN....
boring, uninspiring and really pretty childish in the end
@ Anon,
Uninspiring perhaps, but you were inspired to leave a comment, nah darling?
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