Our winner has been the subject of many popularity surveys before. But this survey was held from 18th May 2009 to 26th Jan this year across districts, metros, cities and villages.
Undoubtedly, such an extensive survey to determine Srilanka’s best assholes has never been undertaken. This is indeed the most comprehensive survey to unearth the well hidden and quintessential profoundly Srilankan asshole (no pun intended), yet another pioneering effort from Taprobane Uncut!
Please note, we didn’t include assholes from other countries that supposedly have an influence on Srilanka. For this reason assholes like Miliband, Solheim, Diaspora and others were not considered.
Imagine an asshole so big that its very name unites and divides the country. You don’t have to anymore! He’s here and his name is Ranil Wickramasinghe respectfully known as Ranil. His colleagues describe him as an enigma and a mystery. Never media shy, Ranil always makes a public appearance after losing.
So without further ado,
and now for the winner of Taprobane Uncut’s best Srilankan assholes, here he comes, number nine asshole in Srilanka. Drum roll please!
#9
Name: Ranil
Full Name: Ranil Shriyan Wickremesinghe
Occupation: Perpetual loser, dreamer, presidential hopeful, aspiring father someday
Asshole Since: 1949
A – Score: 9.91/10
Bio: This veteran, vintage asshole makes Tiger Woods seem like a Tiger cub. Largely forgotten, Ranil, stormed his way into the headlines when he was shown fornicating with well-endowed dickey males as he simultaneously balanced state issues with wet tissues!
Listening to west on this side and hitting boys on that side is all in a day’s work for this flesh and blood symbol of manliness.
Described already as Srilanka’s most energetic, young, vibrant and dynamic election loser, Ranil is also an expert asshole. Yet to run out of shit, never known to be down by the defeats, this Director of the blockbuster film ‘Batalanda Days’, Ranil, is known widely as the man who dares young wannabe politicians to think beyond losing elections.
If he was George Bush then Muntazar Al Zaidi would throw his shoes at him, but he’s not!!
Bigger than George Bush, That’s how big an asshole Ranil is, constantly in the pursuit of Justice, Ranil was recently stabbed in the face with a 58% majority, a much bigger salute to his abilities than just having shoes thrown at him.
Always overcoming adversity with a smile, this American darling has also been approached by Srilankan Clogard to feature in their toothpaste ads to highlight that fantastic smile born out of the satisfaction of having lost 20 elections.
We definitely look forward to seeing more of Ranil and his smiley face in future!
So here’s to the man who constantly reminds us, not all’s lost even when wiped out. Ranil you are the 9th greatest asshole in Srilanka, and we salute you.
What an Asshole!
0 comments:
Post a Comment